pick my brain?

Matthias seems to be doing better and sleeping better during the day. Not all day-time naps are easy for him yet. Sometimes he has a hard time falling asleep. However, everything’s much better than a couple weeks ago. Sleeping outside the home is still hit or miss as well. He doesn’t stay asleep very well. At night, he still wakes for feedings every 2 to 3 hours. If we’re lucky, he wakes for a 4-hour interval feeding. I can’t wait til he consistently has at least 6-hour intervals at night. That would be a serious milestone!

He’s starting to look as if he’s about to coo or respond to people talking or smiling at him, but he hasn’t quite yet broken out into full on sound or smile. He still has a perpetual furrowed brow look to everyone, including me, and also when he is eating! I wonder what can he be so perplexed about all the time.

Though he hates tummy time, he can lift his head pretty well when he’s tummy down on me. His neck is definitely getting stronger. He will grasp his pacifier and people’s fingers, however, he won’t grab on to his toys. I find that odd, but oh well. I’m sure he’ll eventually develop an interest in his toys.

Since almost giving up on nursing, I gave it one last shot and I think that finally Matthias and I have finally gotten into the swing of things. Part of it is that Hans and I could not read his cues… thinking that every cry meant, “I’m hungry,” when in actuality, sometimes it meant, “I’m tired.” So that week or two that I was constantly feeding him… this may be why.

At his doctor’s visit yesterday, he weighed 7 lbs. 4 oz., right on track. How great is that. We go back in two weeks to weigh him again.

In fun news, just yesterday or the day before, Matthias is starting to coo more than before. This is exciting and I look forward to him making more fun baby noises (as opposed to not-fun baby noises).

Sleeping is still hit or miss for him. He fusses a lot sometimes and ends up not sleeping well. It is usually because of gas, but there’s no way for us to tell that from the outside. Sometimes he also doesn’t sleep well because he’ll wet or dirty himself and wake up from it. It is quite terrible. He still eats every 2.5 or 3 hours at night as well, so our sleep is still lacking.

However, this is all progress. Things will get better, I’m sure.

Five weeks was a doozy. Breastfeeding was getting to be so difficult I was anxious to go anywhere or do anything. I was anxious about Matthias waking up from sleep only to eat again. I think it was that I couldn’t quite tell whether he was drinking or not so I allowed him into the habit of falling asleep at the breast. Bad for me, which means bad for him.

This past Monday, after having had Matthias put through a frenectomy last Wednesday, I was about to give up breastfeeding and switch to formula. I felt as we had tried everything under the sun. However, Karen spoke with me and gave me one last idea/tactic. So, I am trying it now and in the past few days, I’ve seen Matthias’ sucking improve and it seems that there is light at the end of the tunnel, though I don’t know how long the tunnel is. It is better though, whereas before, there was no light at all.

Matthias’ eyebrows started coming in during the fifth week and now they’re even a little darker still. His cheeks are super fun to kiss. Nice and round and kind of firm, though I don’t think he looks quite chubby enough yet. His neck is getting stronger and he’s getting heavier. He hates tummy time, though, and I’m not diligent enough to subject him to it more often. Today, he looked as if he was happy looking at me talking with him. It wasn’t a smile, but rather a round shaped mouth. It was very cute.

These past two weeks have been so difficult, I don’t know if I can even remember other stuff that’s happened. It is still difficult reading his cues unless they are totally obvious. I’ve also decided that the dirty diaper is the easiest thing… since you can see or feel it, change it, and he’s all good again. As for the hunger, tiredness, or gas, I’m up the creek. Especially for gas, which I think all babies should come with a gas meter. That’s the one discomfort that you can’t always help them with. Even when burping them, sometimes the burp just won’t come… and then when you least expect it, he lets out a huge belch.

Last Saturday we braved the entire day out to Jason & Diana’s wedding. (Congrats!) However, it might have been a bad idea because after the ceremony, I was starting to feel more and more fatigued. I had a headache and then my body hurt. Later, I felt slightly nauseous, but I figured we should go to the banquet anyway. At the banquet, I felt better. I think being around people makes me feel better. However, at midnight, I woke up with a fever and a case of mastitis. It’s gotten better, and hopefully, I won’t get it again!

I just have to say praise God for the blessings He has poured upon us. I pray that Matthias grows bigger and stronger each day. Last night, he slept the longest he’s ever slept yet. How exciting (though it’s probably a fluke).

As Matthias grows, it is great to see his neck getting ever so slightly stronger and see him smile more. This past week, I could have sworn that he was smiling at me when I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. I love kissing his cheeks. I also love rubbing his head and his arms. He is so soft and cuddly, especially now that he’s a bit more substantial than just a couple weeks ago. And boy, he’s also getting heavier! (I must be such a weakling since he’s nowhere near as heavy as most babies.)

He loves to look at things now. He also loves pursing his lips, which makes them look really small. I always wonder what he’s thinking when he does that. His hands are very pure and white, he must take after Hans’ skin tone. Saturday, we took him out on a double date with us. Christine came with Chris and we all went to dinner at Kurumaya, then dessert at Red Mango, which was pretty good. I was extremely apprehensive about going out for so long, but I figured I had to do it some time. It was all the nursing and stuff that was making me apprehensive only because it takes so long. However, it turned out to be the most fun I’ve had in what feels like a long time. It was surely good to get out of the house and know that it was doable, even though I nursed Matthias several times during dinner.

Sunday, we made it to church, so that was another small feat as well. Matthias was fussy as we got closer to church and I had to nurse him when we got there, then again in the middle of the sermon. It was really great to see everyone again, and also great to see all the new babies! I saw Olivia and she’s gotten bigger and already looks beautiful. James also got bigger and is the cutest thing, very bright eyed! I also saw Bethany in person for the first time. She’s got so much hair! So cute!

After church, we went to visit my parents so they could see Matthias. I had to nurse him for 40 minutes then they took turns holding him. They had a ball since Matthias was in a smiley mood (of course he’s not yet smiling deliberately at people yet, at least I don’t think).

But about the nursing. It’s gotten even worse since last week. People say that it will get better, but I am now constantly wondering, “when?” I also was under the impression that growth spurt fussiness and lots of feedings only lasts a day or two, a few at most. His fussiness has turned into feedings that can last 3 hours on and off. It’s almost like he never sleeps, or only sleeps at night. If he sleeps for a 2 hour stretch during the day, it’s a miracle.

We visited one dentist/oral surgeon who would cut his frenulum, but only in a surgical room at a hospital under general anesthesia. I did not like the sound of that. Then we visited another dentist who took a look at Matthias and said that he didn’t have any anatomical problem that needed correction. I was kind of relieved that he wouldn’t need to get any procedure done, but at the same time, the nursing sessions are just getting worse and worse, and according to a lactation consultant from La Leche League who came to see us last Monday, tongue tie is likely the problem.

We are slated to go see yet a third dentist this coming Wednesday. We will see what he says and if he’ll be doing anything. I feel as if this is our last resort. Matthias is extremely lethargic when feeding and doesn’t keep at it when on the breast. Even when his latch is good, he will still revert to nonnutritive sucking instead of nutritive or active sucking. I am trying my best to refrain from expressing my frustration to keep him nursing well, but there’s only so much I can do. His feedings are  much too long for him to get any real sleep and sleep is really important for him now.

During this stressful time, I can only hope that God will carry us through, as this is extremely draining for me and also draining on Hans. I also thank God that Hans’ mom is here this month to help out because it would be near impossible to feed him around the clock and pump to keep my supply up. Praise God for his provision. May He grant us strength, perseverance, love, and nothing short of a miracle to help Matthias’ nursing sessions.

Yesterday, we went out of the house for more than two or three hours! We left around 8:30 am and didn’t get back until just after noon or so. We had an infant/child CPR class that we had to go to and then afterward, we went to Los Burritos to pick up lunch. It was refreshing to eat something different for a change. We haven’t really eaten out in a long time. At the class, I was able to nurse Matthias and change him. Hans even changed him a second time. It was a nice confidence booster.

Matthias is now just over three weeks old. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep up the weekly updates, though. He’s grown so much, it seems.

When he was born, I think his pinky fingernail was about the size of a sesame seed—maybe a tiny bit bigger, but not by much. Now, his pinky fingernail is the size of maybe several sesame seeds. It is much more substantial for sure and easier to cut now that they’re a bit larger. His fingers in general and his body, legs, and arms have all grown thicker and more substantial. He still doesn’t look to have much baby fat yet, but I’m guessing that will come in time.

I think also his eyes are finally clear of infection… He had one in the left, passed it to the right, passed it back, etc. Now his eyes are finally not so gunky, yay!

This past week was also the first full week that Hans went back to work in the office. It was nice that my mom came to help me during the week. She cooked lots of ginger fried rice for me and had me eating constantly. Next week, Hans’ mom is coming on Wednesday to stay with us for August. That will also be a tremendous help.

Meanwhile, this past week, Matthias has started having fussy periods. They last several hours, maybe about four hour stretches each day. So far, they’ve come at slightly different times during the day. It is so hard when he is fussy to figure out what will console him. At other times, he’s just alert, but content.

His eyes are starting to focus more and more on things. This is exciting! I am looking forward to when he will look straight at me intently, and smile. He hasn’t purposefully smiled at anyone yet. He still smiles occasionally during his sleep. I imagine that he is dreaming about food. LOL Now, if only he will stay awake while eating. That remains a challenge, and now I am switching him back and forth with burping in between in efforts to keep him awake during nursing.

I’ve started pumping this week to try to build up a store of milk for emergencies. It was hard at first, but now I think I’ve figured it out. It’s still a bother, though, since after every pumping, I’ve got to wash and sanitize the pump parts. Sometimes it’s not even possible to pump if Matthias doesn’t sleep after a feeding, since I have to hold him and take care of him. Nevertheless, I’ve got to get used to it. It’s nice for Hans or someone else to have a chance to feed him also.

I feel like Matthias is actually getting a little heavier and more solid feeling. I can’t wait til he can hold his head up. That will be exciting. Meanwhile, hopefully his weight check at the doctor tomorrow will be a-okay.

I was looking at the date yesterday and realized it was already nearing the end of July. I can’t believe it! Matthias was born on the 8th and it’s already the 25th? I can’t believe so many days have already passed. Every day seems to be the same to me. There’s not even distinction of weekends for me, at least not yet.
However, I do have to say that yesterday, Hans and I were able to watch a movie in between feedings. Matthias slept next to Hans while we watched. Hans rented The King’s Speech from Redbox. It was quite good. Then after dinner, the three of us took a walk around the subdivision. Matthias’ first ride in his stroller! He didn’t fall asleep, but he also didn’t complain about it at all.

Matthias is now two weeks old. Wow.

So much has happened, and yet I feel like every day is almost the same. He now sleeps a little longer and feeds about every three hours instead of every two. Every two hours was extremely tiring. Sometimes at night, he’ll feed every four hours. That’s not to say that some nights are still sleepless, though. We have a ways to go for that.

I love watching him sleep. Especially right after he’s done nursing. He has this satisfied look on his face and he goes into REM, dreaming something pleasant, I’m sure since he smiles in his sleep. It is so endearing that it makes all the sleeplessness and pain worth it.

Also this past week, we tried having him sleep flat in the playpen bassinet again and it worked! He pretty much has to be very tired or knocked out to comply, but it’s better that he doesn’t always sleep in the bouncer like last week. I’m glad our little boy is maturing, slowly, but surly! He also doesn’t have as much of the startle reflex going on, so he also sleeps better because of that.

I’m healing and after two weeks, sneezing doesn’t hurt anymore. I’m glad about that. I am still waiting to be totally healed, whatever that will be like.

When he was born, he had fuzz on his shoulders and along the rim of his ears. It is so cute and makes him look like an old man. It’s still there, but I wonder when that will go away. It’s crazy how every part of me wishes he would grow up faster so that we can have a more ‘normal’ life and sleep schedule, but at the same time, every part of me also is sad about how fast he’s growing up. Call me crazy.

Matthias was given his first real bath today. He did wonderfully and didn’t fuss or cry at all! Hans made the water the perfect temperature, it seems. Not too hot nor cold. We’ll see if he cries on his next bath… he had just finished eating before taking this bath, so he was pretty relaxed and content.